Hey Coach
by Linda Ashman
Illustrated by Kim Smith
2016 Best in Rhyme Award Top 20
Congratulations Linda!
See the Top 20 Best in Rhyme Books for 2016
Coaches and Trochees and Iambs—Oh, My!
by Linda Ashman
Hello! Thanks for inviting me here to chat about Hey, Coach!, and about meter—an aspect of rhyme-writing that can cause a fair amount of confusion and angst.
But first, the book. Hey Coach! was inspired by my son’s first experience playing soccer years ago, and by his patient and good-natured coaches. In writing the story, I wanted to capture the energy, humor and everyone-speaking-at-once chaos of a young soccer team’s first season. The text is written entirely in dialogue—no description, no he said/she said attributions, just the voices of the kids themselves.
The story begins with the first practice:
Hey, Coach!
Guess what?
I’m on your team.
Can we be blue?
No, red!
No green!
Let’s be the Tigers.
No, the Sharks.
The Unicorns.
The Bears.
The Sparks!
(Notice the off-rhyme in the first stanza? I generally try to avoid them, but this one—team/green—sounded okay to me.)
It then proceeds through all seven games. Each one presents a new challenge, whether it’s a thunderstorm, wardrobe malfunctions or injuries:
Ouch!
My nose.
My knee.
I’m stung.
I bumped my head.
I bit my tongue.
I’m sick.
I slipped.
I stubbed my toe.
Uh, Coach—
I really have to go.
To show the team improving over time—without having to say so in the text—Kim Smith’s illustrations include a scoreboard for each game. Over the course of the season, we see the team’s losses get narrower until—finally!—they win their last game. The book ends with the kids gathered around the coach:
Hey, Coach—
I’m sad.
Our season’s done.
I love this game.
It’s so much fun.
I’ll play next year.
Can’t wait till then—
Can I be on your team again?
It’s a tribute to coaches—one that I hope will resonate with kids and parents as well. I also hope that teachers will use the book as a way to discuss dialogue, and encourage their students to write their own dialogue-only stories.
And now, on to that other topic . . .
Meter
Like many beginning picture book writers, I wrote my first manuscripts in rhyme without knowing a thing about meter. And—not surprisingly—I racked up the rejections. Learning about different metric patterns (and about poetry generally) made a huge difference in my writing.
Meter—the pattern of stressed and unstressed syllables in a text—determines the rhythm and tempo of your verse. Well-done, metrically-consistent verse is pleasing to the ear, whether it’s soothing and lyrical or bouncy and energetic. Inconsistent meter, in contrast, can be jarring and discordant.
Here’s a quick rundown of four common metric forms (noted as either rising or falling):
Iamb (rising)
One unstressed syllable followed by one stressed syllable.
Examples: to/DAY, be/GIN, de/PART, en/DURE, Ma/RIE, Lou/ISE
Hey, Coach! is written in iambic, as is Jill Esbaum’s terrific book I Hatched! (illustrated by Jen Corace). Here’s how it begins:
A patch of light!
One final peck.
I give a shove and s-t-r-e-t-c-h my neck.
Then—CRACK!
Ta-da!
My head pokes through.
At last, I’m hatched!
Hello, what’s new?
Anapest (rising)
Two unstressed syllables followed by a stressed syllable.
Examples: com/pre/HEND, un/der/STAND, in/ter/JECT, in/ the/ BOWL, Em/my/LOU
Joyce Sidman’s beautiful book Before Morning (illustrated by Beth Krommes) is written primarily in anapest:
In the deep woolen dark,
as we slumber unknowing,
let the sky fill with flurry and flight.
Let the air turn to feathers,
the earth turn to sugar,
and all that is heavy turn light.
Trochee (falling)
One stressed syllable followed by one unstressed (it brings to mind a drumbeat, itself a trochaic word).
Examples: FRIEND/ship, AW/ful, PUMP/kin, GAR/den, BASE/ball, ED/gar, PE/ter, LO/is.
Deborah Underwood’s Good Night, Baddies (illustrated by Juli Kangas) is written in trochaic verse. Here’s how it starts:
Sun dips down; the day has gone.
Witches, wolves, and giants yawn.
Queen and dragon, troll and gnome:
tired baddies head for home.
Dactyl (falling)
One stressed syllable followed by two unstressed syllables.
Examples: UN/der/wear, DI/no/saur, LUL/la/by, POR/cu/pine, EL/e/phant, REG/in/ald, EL/in/or
I’ve yet to come across a book written entirely in dactyl (if you’ve seen one, let me know!), but I included it here because you’ll sometimes find it combined with trochaic verse. In general, rising and falling meters can be combined in a pleasing way but, again, it’s important to be consistent about it.
How do you know if your meter’s consistent? By scanning your verse, noting the stressed and unstressed words and the number of feet in each line (a “foot” is one unit of meter).
To learn more about meter (and about poetry and rhyme more broadly), I always recommend two books: Poem-Making by Myra Cohn Livingston (clear and concise) and The Ode Less Travelled by Stephen Fry (very comprehensive and entertaining).
Happy Writing!
(Which, I’m sure you noted, is a trochaic phrase.)
Coming Soon!
Linda Ashman is the author of more than thirty-five picture books including, most recently, Ella WHO?, illustrated by Sara Sánchez (Sterling 2017), Henry Wants More!, illustrated by Brooke Boynton Hughes (Random House, 2016), and All We Know, illustrated by Jane Dyer (HarperCollins, 2016), which Kirkus called “simply beautiful” in a starred review. Her next rhyming picture book, William’s Winter Nap, illustrated by Chuck Groenink, comes out with Disney-Hyperion in October. She’s also the creator of The Nuts and Bolts Guide to Writing Picture Books, a “how-to” ebook for picture book writers. Linda lives in Chapel Hill, NC, with her husband, two dogs, and—on school breaks—their college-age son.
Twitter (infrequently used): @lindaashman2
Angie Karcher 
It’s great to have some examples of books and their meter. What a cute ball story!
Thank you Linda. I love the upbeat, fun tone of Hey Coach, and it’s great to have a reminder of rising and falling meters. I already have Nuts and Bolts, and will look up the two books you mentioned as well.
Phew, I’ve made quite the study of meter this year, too, and I gotta say- it’s exciting to understand the how/why of good rhyme and bad rhyme, and it’s very satisfying to be able to reference this information in critiques of my own work and that of my peers. Having said that, I’m a little brain-scrambled after working on some revisions today, and I think I need to take a day or two off, hear another person read the work aloud, and revisit my meter analysis at that time. 🙂 Working too much on it all at once, you can start to hear things in all kinds of mixed up ways!
But thank you so much for this post. Writing in rhyme, it’s really essential for everyone to have exposure to this information, and to reference it regularly, particularly if you’re having difficulty in making it stick. Me? My nerd brain loves having this knowledge, and it’s thankfully sticking well enough that I can counsel my peers on it. It’s fun to be an authority in rhyme (even if the degree of that authority is modest).
In case anyone is looking for some more resources on rhyme, Renee LaTulippe has some great information on her website!
Happy rhyming, all!
Thanks again for this informative post!
Thank you for sharing samples and examples of your rhyming process.
What a great primer on rhyming. Thanks for including examples from published PBs. A book that uses dactyl (though not entirely) might be The Gruffalo. I really enjoyed the unusual format (all dialogue) and the rhythm of HEY COACH! It really is a fun book. Thanks for the post.
Thank you for the examples on meter. Excellent information.
Thank you, very interesting post! I would have never thought of it this way!
Wonderful post, I will definitely have to look up those books about poetry and meter. I often struggle with meter. Thanks again!
Great post, Linda! I loved all your examples and clear explanations.
Love reading a good rhyming story. I’ll look up all your examples. Thanks for sharing.
A really helpful overview. I’ve been rhyming since 8th grade when I won runner up in a graduation poem. Hey Coach sounds delightful, and your rhyme info was spot on, Linda.
Wow – great information and examples. Thanks, Linda! I look forward to reading your new books!
Hey, Coach sounds so cute!
Thanks for breaking down rhyme with great book examples.
Aimee
Thanks for your great post, Linda, and I have your book on my “to get” list from the library. Your examples are spot on and provide a good reference source for different styles of rhyme. What a great time for the kids and the coach–something kids AND parents need to read about!
Great post, Linda. Your explanations make rhyming sound simple, but we know it’s not. Very informative for those contemplating writing in rhyme. 😉
What a great post, Linda! I like the way you’ve matched poetic terminology with picture book examples. Good luck with Hey, Coach!
Hey, Coach is wonderful as is your information on meter. Thanks, Linda!
Thank you for a wonderful post with clear explanations and wonderful examples of the 4 meter styles. I tend to rhyme but struggle with meter; i have a hard time knowing which words / syllables are stressed and unstressed sometimes. I will also check out the 2 books you mentioned at the end. Thanks again! I’ll have to check out Hey Coach! also.
A lot of great information. This was a timely post for me, since I just started learning about meter and rhyme and all that good stuff. It’s so good to have the examples of books and their meter. Thanks, Linda!
Thank you for sharing the many poetic mentor texts, Linda. I look forward to reading Hey Coach! soon.
Very helpful examples of meter and mentor texts! I enjoyed HEY, COACH! and it’s dialogue-only format. Thanks for sharing your knowledge and experience with our group!
So much great information here! And I love the Stephen Fry book you recommended. Thanks, Linda!
I love the examples you used in your post. Thanks for reminding me of poetic rhythms and sharing such wonderful examples!
Always glad to re-read these great examples of perfect poetry! Thanks!
Great article, Linda. Thank you for the book examples.
Thank you for the examples and for the writing resources. I can’t wait to read your upcoming e-book.
Wow–what a great, concise, and informative post on meter. Thanks, LIN/da!
I love examples! One of these days, it will sink in (and stick). 🙂
Such great information! Rhyming is such an art. Thanks for breaking it down and offering these wonderful examples.
I can hear the ball bouncing in your story.
And I like this example of dactyl with trochee (am I right?) from Tennyson:
Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley’d and thunder’d;
Very informative post! Thank you for giving such clear examples and explaining things so well. I really do need to study more about writing in verse. Thank you! Love the soccer book!
Thank you so much for this free meter lesson. Hey Coach! Is so appealing and fun. I recently took a course in rhyme and meter and this was a great refresher.
I love that you include books with each example. Thanks! I also want to look up the poetry and rhyme craft books that you mentioned. Thanks again!
Thank you, Linda! Your explanation of meter was excellent. You make it sound so easy, but, oh how I know, it’s not. Great post!
Thank you, Linda, for the info on meter which you followed with fine examples. Looking forward to reading HEY COACH!
Thanks for the great examples! Your book sounds really fun. It definitely will catch the hearts of those of us who have ever coached little ones.
Linda, this is exactly what I need. You have outlined the types of meter so clearly and provided mentor texts to savor and study. Thanks for your informative post.
-BTW, my grandson, just had his first soccer game last Saturday. I can’t wait to buy HEY COACH for him (and for me).
Hi, Linda! Thanks for the helpful examples. HEY COACH sounds like a terrific way to introduce sports to young children. When my older son was 3, he was scared of the tall soccer coach with dark sunglasses. It was a learning experience for both my son and the young coach.
Linda, so glad to see you here. Loved your post about meter and the rhyming books you recommend. Hope to see you soon! Thanks again for your post
I am delighted to see such a helpful summary. You’ve conveyed the points so clearly, and I thank you very much indeed!
thanks for this informative post on meter. The examples were very helpful.
Thank you for the informative post. I have read Nuts and Bolts.
I like hearing the children’s voices, without the he said, she said. You saved on word count! Nice rhythm- sounds great for reading aloud. Thank, Linda.
Ah, the nuts and bolts of rhyming. Thanks for the great post!
I have a lot of catching up to do with these incredible Rhyme Revolution posts….but when I saw today was you, Linda, I just had to read it right away. I love that you shared how your first attempts garnered rejections. Perhaps there is hope for all of us hopeful rhymers. 😉 You’ve done your best here to help us…that’s for sure! Great post with an entire mini workshop at our fingertips! Thank you.
Thank you Linda for the easy to understand breakdown of the different types of rhyme. I have heard the words before but never really had it explained so clearly. Got me some studying to do!
Thank you so much for the great information you shared and the resources as well!
LINDA: I LOVE your approach of writing the entire story as a conversation. I CAN’T WAIT to try my hand at this! And THANK YOU for the WONDERFUL text examples to study. I’m checking them out TONIGHT! HAPPY WRITING AND HAPPY RHYMING!!!!
Thank you, Linda, for an awesome post and for the book examples!! Very informative for me.
Thank you for sharing examples with your mini-lesson–very informative. You make it look so easy!